I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
