I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
