some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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