dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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