Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
