6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
