Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
