If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
