i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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