Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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