What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
