When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
