If i come over, it means nothing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
