Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
