i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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