She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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