I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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