I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
