You made me cry and you don't even care
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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