i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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