last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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