Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize