I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
