"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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