I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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