No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
