yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
