sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
