I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
