She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
