I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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