i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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