the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
