I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
