I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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