Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he fucked my hip out of place.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
