I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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