I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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