I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
