Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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