You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
