I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
