Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
