look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize