I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
