I'm going to jail i love you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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