where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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