ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
