i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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