Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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