I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
