We're facebook friends in real life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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