Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
