I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
