Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
