ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
