i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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