When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just high enough for therapy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
