GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
