Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
