Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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