I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
