If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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