My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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