My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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