I am midnight drunk by noon
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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