Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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