I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
