Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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