I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
