I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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